It was this day that I finally did ask Hopie about the reason for her being always whining and grumpy. She opened up her heart to me for the first time.

We have been colleagues for the past 8 months now. I joined this college after my graduation. I still remember a few of our earlier conversations.

“What is the matter?”,when I asked. “I can’t sleep!”, Hopie had complained. “Is it that you are yet to complete your portion!”, I was concerned. “Or this class strength?”

“No ! Not at all”, said Hopie. “The class size is just fine, neither too much nor less”.

“Then?”,as I asked I could sense the lurk in her subconscious mind of unidentified, incompleteness of something broken. “I could get my other box, I got late today”, she was complaining about getting one box rather than getting another. I did not feel it would matter with that other box.

“Did you get to sign?”, I asked. “No, I didn’t get register today”,she signed, unhappy. “Is it that you are worried about?”, I asked in curiosity to get to know the reason why she is always whining, because we get 200 bucks deducted if we did not reach college on time, and if we don’t sign in the morning. “I am not dependent on this”, she replied confidently.

I felt she is doing fine financially, no doubt she keeps her work up to date. Then why is it that she is so unhappy and unsatisfied with literally everything!! I am getting more and more curious to know the reason.

I took her out one evening for shopping.

I told her I am hungry so we will have some snacks first. We went to a pizza cafe. It was a calm place though. This led us to talk under our breath in this subdued lighting. Hopie seemed to cool down gradually. Sipping through our iced tea and biting on our pizza pieces, “I needed this”, Hopie threw in

“Thank you so much”, I looked at her as she extended her gratitude. “I feel so at ease at my heart with you”, she continued. I was staring at her as she continued to open up,”You are the one who extended a hand towards me”. I smiled as she took another piece of the pizza lying in front of us on the table.

“I wish I could do these all in my earlier days !”,she squeezed her face a bit. “Those days are gone”, she paused. “You are doing good now”, I wanted her to continue to tell me what is in her heart and mind. “Yeah!! But those were golden days”, she was regretting the past days when she was young.

“What else did you want to do?”, I asked. “Hmmmm…..many things like wanting to watch movies, climb mountains -trekking you see”, she leaned forward in excitement and continued, “Watching sunset. It will be so wonderful to see the colour of the sky during sunset “. “How do you know of all this?”, I asked. “My friends used to go trekking and on tours. I just would imagine what they experienced as they shared their pics “, she was regretting that she could not join them then. “When would they tell you their experiences?”. “Actually I would spend my vacations with my grandparents and then returning back home there would be school, so I would not get a chance to join them”, she said smiling. “You would spend time with your grandparents?”, I asked. “Yes!!”,she said excited though. “I never got to stay with my grandparents. I had lost them even before I was born”, I looked down on the pizza piece I was eating. “I don’t even know the pleasure of staying at granny’s place”, I was trying to trigger Hopie. “It’s truly amazing to have grandparents’ love”, I went silent hoping that Hopie could realise that she has spent the best days in her vacations. She was quiet and was lost in her thoughts. “I have not been on trekking or on picnics. I have spent my vacations doing summer jobs as I had to support my father. During school days I went on part time jobs after school. I could not afford to even think about spending my earnings on myself than on my siblings. I would refuse to join my friends to get-togethers or outings”, I paused again.

“You think this all is not possible now? We still can hang out with friends, go on picnics, and outings, go on trekkings and see the colour of sunset. But all that is possible at the proper time and also one at a time. Don’t you feel you will miss out on the fun of us having pizza here if you keep thinking about the things which were not there in the first place!?”, I tried to convince her. “It is like that in life. You need to miss out on something to gain another. If you keep grumping on things you did not do, did not achieve, then you surely are draining out your energy and are unable to do the things you must do right now”, I said raising my eyebrows. She smiled…….for the very first time ………

“I am a victory”, I said to myself and smiled back